[How To Stay Married]
Loose Women panellist Nadia Sawalha and her husband Mark Adderley opened up about the heartbreak they experienced after Nadia suffered numerous miscarriages during their marriage – and how she felt it was “punishment” for her decision to have an abortion years before.
Nadia, 53, broke down on camera as she spoke about losing her first baby with Mark in the early weeks of their relationship.
Speaking about the loss, she fought through tears as she explained how she believed her previous decision may have impacted her life.
[How To Stay Married]
“Of course, I had had a termination years before,” she said on her and Mark’s podcast, How To Stay Married. “And I think, you know, all that guilt came up. And I was thinking: ‘Is this a punishment?’
“And with each subsequent miscarriage, I felt like that. I felt it was a punishment.”
She then clarified that when she had previously fell pregnant, it wasn’t during her relationship with Mark.
Andrea McLean and her fiancé Nicholas share a snap outside of Buckingham Palace [Instagram]
She then met her husband, and it was during the first few weeks of their relationship that she discovered she had a miscarriage.
Following her third miscarriage, Nadia opened up on Loose Women about how she kept her third foetus in her freezer, before holding a burial for her child.
She said at the time: “When I had my third miscarriage and I actually had it at home and delivered it, I was just not right in my head. I don’t know what would have happened if somebody had come and asked me at that point. And you know I actually kept the foetus in the freezer. I didn’t want it to go anywhere, there’s this connection and I wasn’t ready to let go.”
With the audience surprised at her confession, she continued: “It was four and a half months, only this big, but it’s that connection. That lioness thing comes out.”
She added on her podcast: “From the second you know you’re pregnant, you start making plans. It makes me cry. It doesn’t really matter if you’ve known for a day or eight weeks, it doesn’t really make any difference. You can see their face, you can see their smile. You start worrying about where they’ll go to school and what holidays will be like. That all happens from day one.
“I immediately felt like panic-stricken? What if I’m barren now and I can’t have a baby? And that’s why I am such an advocate of telling everyone from the second you’re pregnant.
“If we’d kept it a secret for three months and then told everyone we wouldn’t have got that support in that grief.”